Getting Out There

It has been few and far between when people have noticed my weight loss. I see the same people weekly (even daily), so that might be a part of it. ??? I also wear clothes that aren't very fitted. Too, I think that maybe a 20-pound loss when a person is heavier may not be as noticeable (depending on the person) unfortunately. For instance, I told my cousin last week that I had lost a little over 20 pounds, and she couldn't believe the pounds lost. And the inverse may be true too. She told me that she hasn't lost hardly any poundage (though inches) even though she exercises on the elliptical everyday before college (she is 18). At 130 pounds, she looks really good compared to her shape before exercising (not that I didn't envy her look then too! :) ). I couldn't believe that she hadn't lost weight.

But this morning, just a couple hours before my lunch break (which is now :) ), I had a client who asked about me 'losing a lot of weight' recently. On top of not many people noticing (only about five at most), no one has said ANYTHING that would indicate that it looks like I lost more than a little weight. Neat-o!

But like I said, I really haven't gotten out there much to see people. I guess I'm waiting until I can make a really good impression with more weight loss. I do have my significant other's work party in December but may even linger longer at Wal-Mart and other places just to run into people if I can lose enough. :)

Walking My Shoes Off

Actually, I didn't go that far or anything tonight. Though it was a little further than the usual 3 miles (4.75 total to be exact), I didn't hardly jog at all. Still, my shoes started breaking on the bottom. It started with the underside of the right one. By the end of my walk, the underside of the left one was gone too. While I usually keep shoes forever, I have just started chunking worn-out tennis shoes since I need good ones if I'm going to continue to exercise frequently. Thankfully, I have a back-up pair (though they aren't new or anything). Well, at least the pair I broke tonight got some good wear out of them. :)

I'm Down Under

...no, not in Australia, Cara and Miss Dee. Heehee :). I'm down under 180 lbs.--179.2 to be exact. That is about 2 lbs. under my most recent lowest weight to date. And this is 1 lb. from 25 lost! I don't care if I'm not at 25 lbs. yet (at least not right now); I loved seeing close to 2 pounds gone at one time. It is nice to finally have some restriction (I might otherwise think it was all exercise-related loss, but I have been MIA from that for a couple days this week and didn't have the motivation to really push the pavement in the last two day's jog/walks either--I got out there and did my three miles total but didn't adhere to goals or try overly hard; now I'll have more motivation to go further in the jogs. :) ).

I'm now wondering if maybe the higher weight at the end of this past weekend was the roadmark precursor to more weight loss. I know others of you have mentioned this happening, and it has happened to me too in past weight losses--where we gain before we lose.

One good thing about this loss (other than the obvious--weight loss! :) ) is that I didn't have to wait until after my TOM (as usual) to shed a couple pounds. I probably need to get more scientific about this weigh-in stuff since I'm actually losing (this honestly didn't happen until I started exercising in April-ish--and my surgery was in December!) and have a weekly weigh-in day (though I haven't decided to do that for sure yet).

I can't wait until I get to my sweet spot. My next fill appointment is early September, a little earlier than normal--fills are usually at exactly two months after the last fill (not my choice!)--because my doc is going out of town. He has the discretion NOT to fill too (the nurse told me that when I lost 10 lbs. in two months a couple of months ago; compared to some people, that doesn't seem like a lot, but he didn't fill me then :( ). But, hopefully, I will continue to see results with more of a fill then!!!

Shaking Things Up (And Feeling It)

This week has been extremely busy for me, and I haven't yet been able to do my usual jog/walk in the evenings as a result. It has also been super HOT, so it's kind of good that I haven't been out dealing with all of that!!! I hate being super sweaty--even though I know that I am going to sweat anyways during workouts, I would rather minimize it with a running fan holder or something (anyone want to volunteer?). Seriously, I don't mind treadmill running for that reason when it's hot outside. Unfortunately I don't live in a place where there is a free onsite gym available like I did in law school. :( And I don't like the thought of paying for gym memberships just to avoid the sweat factor, especially since I'm trying to save money--and outside jogging/walking is truly more interesting anyway since there is more happening out there (and it's often pretty with general scenery and that). I just can't justify the cost of gym membership. But if I had a treadmill at home, I would have all sorts of fans blowing at it. As far as I see it, sweat is just water weight anyway, so it's not like the biggest sweat producer is the biggest calorie burner or anything. This doesn't mean I don't work hard and push myself when I jog (or do other workouts, for that matter). I just want to be as cool as possible.

Though I'm planning to go for the usual jog/walk tonight, I have had a lot of variations in the workout regimen this week. When I was out of town this weekend, I did the Wii short run (2 times), long run (2 times), and Island long run (once). Then I did the beginning and advanced step game (2 times each). I got the top scores for all of them and, though I entered my height and stepped on the game scale for my weight and such, I had to have Michael Jackson as my icon picture and name because he was all that was available (and I don't know how to create my own)! :) So Michael Jackson was the winner, I guess. (Side note: I really want a Wii myself for the Wii Fit (I loved using it!), but it is out of the budget at the moment. :( ) Sunday night when I got home (since I had gained and hadn't done anything besides the Wii over the weekend), I did a dance Crunch video. Ever heard of the Crunch series? I have several videos/DVD's (had them for a while). They have dance, Pilates, yoga, bootcamp, abs, cardio, and all sorts of other workouts. I find them fairly challenging. At any rate, while I felt fine Sunday night, the next morning until yesterday (all day), I was holding onto walls, railings, whatever to get down stairs, etc. In the bathroom, I NEEDED railings. I was seriously sore. It didn't even feel like I was doing that much when I was working out, but I guess I was working different muscles than normal. Oh, and I neglected to mention that I did all of that (all the Wii workouts and the video) on Sunday, so maybe the vigor of that day was catching up with me. Whatever the case, YOWSERS, I hurt!!!

The Undercover Killer :)

(on the picture there is what you use for the step workout and what you use to weigh yourself)

Monday night, I did another Crunch video--Burn and Firm Pilates. I couldn't do all the lower squatting things they did or jumping because my legs were killing me, but I did get through the video. It probably even helped me because I was able to stretch my legs and my body some--though I was feeling the burn part of 'Burn and Firm Pilates' for sure!!! I have been a little sore in upper back and upper legs for about a week anyway (don't know why???), but adding the new variations on Sunday, I felt like someone had beat the heck out of me all the way up my legs and back.

I was visiting some family in town on Tuesday and Wednesday nights but was able to swim with them last night (in addition to almost winning Mario Brothers--the first game--got to Level 8 and had one hammer brother and the big dragon thing until I saved the princess; ARGH! I'm not a video gamester girl or anything, but I've never won that game although it was my generations' big gift to video games). So back to swimming, I don't remember swimming ever being that difficult. Holy Cow! I was panting and breathing hard but hardly did any laps or anything. What gives? I feel like I am completely out of shape but have been walking/jogging 3 miles several times a week for a few months now. What the devil?! The swimming wasn't even supposed to be a 'workout'!

Aside from the unintended water exercise, I did keep track of my steps with the pedometer and logged over 6 miles on Sunday but only a little over 1 and 1/2 miles on Monday (with a 50-minute video; I think that the lunging and such, while burning, take away from the overall steps). At any rate, even though I was inside (with fans and A/C on super cool), I was sweating like a racehorse. Maybe I just sweat a lot?

The Skinny Sister

I mentioned my younger sister in a post yesterday. Just as a preface and perhaps a segueway from that post to this one, I forgot to mention that I was as small as her only when I was in middle school (to avoid the confusion that perhaps I gained the weight since high school and was a beanstalk like her ten years ago--since there is a decent-size age difference between us). In other words, in high school, both my older sister and myself weren't the tiny girls like my younger, skinny sister (SS) definitely was (and still is post-high school). We were probably a little overweight then, not obese and just under obese like now, but definitely not beneath normal weights like the SS is.

She is very, very thin. She doesn’t have an eating disorder or any other problem; she’s just thin, my height (5'7) and thin. In today’s world, people love and envy that. Heck, I got a band to head in a thinner direction. I will NEVER get to where she is (113 pounds at 5'7–underweight at 17.7 BMI; I just did a BMI calculation) even with my band friend, but it is difficult to have this continuous, unattainable reminder of not having to worry about weight (or looks at all–she is quite beautiful too). What I would give!

If you can believe it, this is a closely accurate

(albeit cartoon) depiction.

(I've heard that Barbies, etc. can't look like humans

based on body proportions, but,

generally, this is what she looks like--yes, hair color and length too!!!).

I love my younger sister a lot, but sometimes the extra attention for her being so 'skinny' and 'thin' grates my nerves. She already has the advantage of the great genes there. But people are forever commenting on that. They are probably wondering why her older sisters have let themselves go or overeat like they must assume we do–not completely inaccurate there, but the SS eats things in quantities and varieties that aren’t exactly healthful either–as most skinny people do, aggravating as it is. Now, to be fair, she doesn’t hoard food or pack extra in to fill her reserves for later (like animals with a second stomach–me and the older sister seem to do that). It is still maddening though.

People are also always thrusting food at her and commenting on how she needs to eat more too. She does eat; I see it! And often! On a recent trip with my SS and mom (and some other non-family members), people were doing that in abundance. I was the one who was, in fact, eating less and skipping meals/snacks/food in general (partly because of the band). I felt like no one was really paying attention to anything except the fact that the SS is little. For instance, no one seemed to notice or even mention my eating patterns, and I was eating about half to two-thirds of what she was. Maybe they were just thinking that I would survive because I draw on the fat stores already available (if they even paid attention at all). Who knows?!

Last night, in yet another example in the ongoing Saga of the Skinny Sister, I was with a big group of people who again started the oooing and aaaahhing over her small size. They were even saying that my other sister and I looked more like one parent and that the SS looked more like the other. All my life I have been told (and know) that I look like that one parent while my older and younger sisters have distinctly similar facial characteristics that match the other parent’s. It makes me feel like people don’t really look at overweight people–the just kind of lump us together as the same. They lump together the lumps. Frustrating! I didn’t say anything about my aggravation with that openly, don't worry.

For attention, the SS does seem to eat it up and egg it on. In the case of accepting--or not accepting--food, she does whichever one derives the most noticeable glances or continued observation for her at the time. She thrives on attention in a lot of ways, so that’s not really out of the ordinary. Just as a related aside and for example purposes, I tell her that she is the Master One-Upper because if someone mentions an accomplishment or hardship, she always does it better, more often, or with more of a burden. She has almost embraced this title now because she is aware that she does it and continues to one-up (or one-down as the case may be). Of course, she makes sure to tell us all her superior accomplishment or hardship--therein showing her attention-seeking personality. But, on the positive side of the attention factor, she is also an entertainer type by nature. She is talented in all forms of art and makes us all laugh at impersonations and dance moves, etc. She often makes family get togethers and that sort of thing more enjoyable because we have a built-in entertainer.

Anyways, when I'm not around her as much, the 'skinny' comments and food thrusting don't affect me at all really unless someone is talking about her being skinny, etc. to me. Most of my friends are not this tiny (although there are some skinny ones in the mix), so it's not in my face every day. And sometimes when I am with her, it doesn't bother me either. But I can't (and don't want to) not see my sister as much because of these aggravations.

So am I being jealous and mean to be annoyed about these things in the first place? I can’t shake the feeling that I am. I definitely don’t want to just be vicious and pick these things apart because I love my sisters–the family tattletale and the skinny one :). I wouldn’t trade their fluffy and boney butts (respectively) for any others. :).

I'm Molting

It has become readily apparent over the course of the last couple weeks that my hair is definitely losing it stickwithitness. :( Though I dispose of it fairly quickly, an abundance of hair (which is coming out in greater quantities at any given time and more frequently during the day--it used to just come out in the AM or when I brushed/combed it) finds itself all over my bed, tub, and vehicle...among almost every other surface or space you can imagine. I have very fine hair, and I'm worried that it will become noticable to others if something isn't done. It is not at that point yet, but I may as well be somewhat proactive in prevention.

I have read about supplements and other things (like eating more protein) that helps. Does anyone have any experience with hair loss?

My Squirrel Mentality

Many people ponder the how's and why's of their weight gains. I have pretty much traced mine to my childhood. When I was a kid, I was VERY skinny. We were kind of poor for a fairly long stretch. During that time, food wasn't available in abundance. Although I can't remember a time when the cupboards were completely bare, I wasn't able to cook and couldn't get into the sparse supply of food that was available then either. Saying that, I guess that we did have food for most meals. I did not hale from Ethiopia or anything like that, but I do remember going without at times. Although a small part of this was me having the usual dislikes or possibly getting tired of eating the same food many nights of the week (my mom would try to combine meats with pasta/rice for cheaper cooking and would do only a couple deviations on that--I don't remember NOT eating the duplicate foods ever but may have done that so wanted to make sure I included that too for the sake of a fair accounting), there were times when there just wasn't really anything to eat. I remember coveting Ramen noodle soup packets (which are like 10-25 cents a pack now) and any kind of sandwich. I loved any snack available too. I would raid relatives' and friends' houses when visiting. I would hoard food and eat it later if I could bear to wait to eat it.

From what I remember, my family was always possessive when it came to food during that time too. I remember my dad putting a colorful note on an item he was reserving for himself in the frig. Evidently one of my grandparents had even put a chain and lock on their refrigerator when my dad was young (although the grandparents were all always generous to us). I hope that I am not like that with my children, but it does scare me a little.

At any rate, I guess that is the background from whence my eating addiction emerged. I have a sister who is just a couple years older than me who went through this as well. She also has weight issues now. I would like to tell her about the band--would really like to tell her--but she has already said negative things about WLS and cannot keep a secret to save her life (with a family that has also pegged WLS as 'bad').

In addition to my older sister, I have a sister who is ten years younger than me who is thin as a rail (literal Size 0) who never went through these times at all (in fact, though we all have the same parents, my dad has pretty much been out of the picture her whole life, and my stepdad has helped my mom raise her). To me, that just kind of goes to show that there is something to the root of mine and my older sister's eating issues and with our squirrel or hoarding mentalities (disclaimer: I am no psychologist; this has just been me thinking these things through over the course of the last few years :) ).